Struggle

Hear now, a reading from the Gospel according to Luke 22: 39-46:

39 Jesus came out and went, as was his custom, to the Mount of Olives; and the disciples followed him. 40 When he reached the place, he said to them, “Pray that you may not come into the time of trial.” 41 Then he withdrew from them about a stone’s throw, knelt down, and prayed, 42 “Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me; yet, not my will but yours be done.” 43 Then an angel from heaven appeared to him and gave him strength. 44 In his anguish he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat became like drops of blood falling down on the ground. 45 When he got up from prayer, he came to the disciples and found them sleeping because of grief, 46 and he said to them, “Why are you sleeping? Get up and pray that you may not come into the time of trial.”

This scripture gives a very moving account of the struggle Jesus felt while at the Mount of Olives. He is deeply distressed and anguished over what God has asked him to do. He is to endure a horrible crucifixion and a separation from his Father as he dies. His struggle so profound that his “sweat became like drops of blood” and an angel was sent to provide him strength. Exhibiting fierce dread and reluctance for the road set before him, Jesus’ demonstrates his humanness. Ultimately Jesus reaffirms his commitment to God by praying “not my will, but yours be done.”

This scripture is significant to me because of the depth of struggle described here. While other Biblical characters sometimes question or grappled with God’s call, this account of “struggle” is unparalleled. As a person that seeks God’s direction and works to become a more trusting follower, this passage brings comforting insight. Knowing that here, Jesus struggled immensely to follow God’s call reminds me that walking this life, as God would have me do, is not always easy. In fact, it can be a mighty struggle. Even Jesus’ innate desire was for his human self, not God’s will. The central clash between ‘the willing spirit and the weak flesh” is a continual battle.

As my children have gotten older, I am moved into a new chapter of my life. I am troubled with finding a new direction, and what purpose that course will hold for me. While my faith tells me to turn my life over to HIS WILL, I have not been able to submit. I struggle to completely trust God with my life. My human arrogance and independence insist that I should maintain control. Can I really trust that he knows best? What if I don’t like his call? Perhaps it would require leaving what is comfortable and known or bring trials and difficulties into my life. When it comes right down to it, could I really follow through and implement his wishes? I feel guilty about the level of trust I have in God. When I look around, others seem to have figured it out. Why can’t I let go- completely? I should be more secure in my faith, but it is a hard leap to take, and one I struggle with tremendously.

Please pray with me: O God, help us to live in your love. Help us accept your will for our lives and give us the proper response to your revelations. Not our will, but yours be done.

Written by D. Brown for Maundy Thursday 2017

Read the Gospels in 40 Days: Luke 22-24