Typically confirmation is a process students start in middle school. When most of her peers were being confirmed, Julia’s father was deployed, and I wasn’t sure I could get her to church weekly, since I would be handling single mom detail with two younger kids in tow. We’d wait till he got home, I thought, when things would be easier logistically. But things didn’t get easier. He died shortly after he returned home, and somehow I went from being a temporary single mom to doing it on a permanent, full-time basis.
Shortly after her father passed away, I reminded Julia that a new confirmation class was forming, and she could jump in a little late if she wanted. She declined, and who could blame her? We didn’t talk about faith or God much that year. I was afraid my children would ask questions that I couldn’t answer — still can’t answer, in fact.
Perhaps some parents wouldn’t have presented their daughter with the option. It’s time to be confirmed. End of story. But whatever my children believe, however they choose to worship (or not to worship at all), I’ve always wanted it to be their choice. Faith that’s viewed as a chore isn’t faith at all.
Last summer, just before starting her sophomore year of high school, Julia told me that she was ready to start confirmation classes. After all that she had been through—all that she had lost—I was surprised that she was willing to invest so much time and energy trying to build a stronger relationship with God. But I supported her decision, and promised her that we could get her to class every week (except for the occasional winter storm).
Though it’s a significant undertaking at any age, attempting it in high school has added challenges, like juggling it with driving lessons and college-level classes. Plus there’s the awkwardness of being quite a bit older than your classmates, which is why she earned the nickname “Billy Madison” (okay, I admit, I’m the only one who called her that). But more than all of that, viewing God through the lens of cynicism and heartbreak that come with age and experience no doubt makes the process more difficult—but also more meaningful.
On Pentecost Sunday, Julia was confirmed. I would say it happened on her schedule and not mine, but perhaps it’s really on God’s schedule. As with most things in life, you get out of it what you put into it, and because she has put so much heart and soul into this process, I hope that what she gains from it will nourish her spirit for a lifetime.
To all those who have helped her on this journey----thank you for leading her, and for walking beside her.
Kathryn Deters
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