My Faith Journey

I believe my faith journey began as a young child.  I was fortunate to be raised in a home with a family that attended church every Sunday as I attended Sunday School.   That was a very positive experience for me as I learned about the birth of Jesus, his life, his death and resurrection.  I listened, and understood as a child  and was assured and learned that Jesus loved me, forgave me when I made a mistake and was always there for me.

 As I got older, I continued learning about my religion as I sang in the church choir, attended youth group, went to church camps, taught Summer Bible School and went through confirmation at the local Presbyterian Church.

When I married, I continued most of these activities with my husband and we baptized and raised our daughters in our faith.

All my life I continued hearing, singing and telling the happy news about Jesus.  I was so proud of our children and grandchildren who also learned and believed in Jesus without question.

Then as a senior citizen, I attended two Bible Study groups to learn about the lives of Esther and later, the book of Zachariah. I had a difficult time believing what the leader was saying and how she was interpreting the scripture.  These were not the happy stories I learned from my church as I grew up.  I couldn’t believe they were talking about “my God”.  It was as if I had never heard stories from the Old Testament.  I didn’t know who or what to believe.  My God of life and love who created this beautiful universe was also a God of judgment who could eliminate people and nations that didn’t follow his laws and commandments.  I began to doubt if I was worthy of God’s love and if he knew  I was a believer all of my life.

I didn’t doubt my faith or God’s love, but I was doubting the Bible study leader.  As I learned more, I began to remember how often I heard the phrase, “the fear of the Lord”. What did that mean?  It didn’t mean anything to me because I loved the Lord, I didn’t fear him.  But discovering the wrath of God in the Old Testament, I began of have doubts and fear.  God did judge!  Now I was worried about how God would judge me. Had I lived a life that would please God? The more I read, those memories that influenced my younger years started taking on more mature thoughts.  But did God know the way I lived my life was because of His influence?  After much more thinking, I remembered that if we follow His commandments, believe in His wisdom, and have faith in Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, we will have eternal life.  I was beginning to feel better.   If we live our lives with love for others, and in obedience to God laws, we do not have to live in fear of God’s judgment when we die.  So, I now understand that phase, “fear of the lord”.  I understand that he is a God of love but he is also a God of judgment,  so with God’s help, I will continue to live to please him and not anger him.

Now, I continue my faith journey with belief, confidence and anxious to learn more. I just worry about some of my friends and relatives who are not believers.  How can I help them become believers?

Donna Kniep

Photo by Clemens van Lay on Unsplash