Expectations

We’ve all experienced Christmas activities that at times fell short of our unrealistic expectations. This
year I was going to keep things simple and not feel that I had to decorate, bake, shop, or craft like I had in the past. I’d streamline our Christmas activities as well. Keep it simple and focused on the gift of our Savior. This was the first year we didn’t do a Milk and Cookies event with Santa.

Well at the last minute I decided I wanted to take Vivianna to a large Christian Christmas concert – For King and Country and Casting Crowns at the Scottrade Center. It would be perfect. She and I would have precious “Mommy/Daughter” time and she’d love the music, lights, and sensory experience of the concert. We’d hear beautiful Christmas songs and really get into the Christmas spirit!

As we left the house a little over an hour before the concert started, I was excited and filled with great expectations of our wonderful evening together. The radio station was playing Christmas music including some of the songs we’d hear that night. All was going well…until traffic stopped on 40/64. Arriving downtown moments after the concert started I was still optimistic that we wouldn’t miss much. I took comfort in knowing I was surrounded by other people who were also searching for a parking space. Alas, as we approached garages and parking lots we were greeted with “no room” signs. Okay, they didn’t say “no room,” but they had no more spaces for us expectant concert goers.

An hour after the concert started, and two hours after we left our house, we settled into our seats in the second to last row of the upper rafters. We had missed all but the last song by For King and Country. We didn’t get to hear/see the song that inspired me to get the concert tickets, the performance that I knew Vivi would love. (If you’re interested you can see the Little Drummer Boy video here -- https://www.facebook.com/forkingandcountry/videos/1597174947006819/ )

We waited in our seats for the second half of the concert to start and I forced myself to calm down and focus on the fact that we still had much to hear and experience. Vivi on the other hand thought it was time to leave as people started getting out of their seats to walk around during the break.

When Casting Crowns took the stage, there was excitement in the crowd. During their songs I found myself looking at Vivi almost as much as I was looking at the large monitors. What was she thinking about this experience? Would she react the way I had expected her to react? Would she jump for joy and clap her hands as she often does at church when the choir sings? Not quite. At first, she seemed overwhelmed by the bright lights and then became mesmerized as the lights danced around the crowd. She spent most of her time watching the lights and became a bit vocal and pointed at the main floor when the lights stopped.

There were of course the behaviors that I should have expected but hadn’t because after all this was going to be a perfect evening. Vivi at times got restless and as is customary for her, became vocal when things were more serious and quiet. Yet, no one sitting around us reacted to the way she was experiencing the concert. The man sitting in front of her didn’t seem to notice or care when she stretched out her feet on the back of the chair next to him. I didn’t get any disapproving stares as she fell into my lap or made her vocalizations. She was accepted as she was. There were other times when Vivi was very much a part of the collective experience. She wanted to stand when others were standing and singing along with the songs.

The concert ended with the entire, almost sold out crowd standing to sing Silent Night. With raised cell phones instead of candles and thousands of voices, the space was filled with light and hope. This was why we were all there. We had collectively come to celebrate the gift of Christmas and God’s grace. We may have come with family or friends expecting a perfect and fun evening, but we were joined with strangers to take time to focus on Christ and his love and how we show that love and acceptance towards others.

The evening wasn’t what I had expected or hoped for, but I realize the message of the evening and the joy and acceptance we experienced was far more important than my personal expectations.

Julie Northrip